Cards
"So, Jefe, are you gonna play cards today?" says the boss man.
"I gotta get my shit done for the meeting this afternoon, so we'll see."
"You gotta get your priorities straight. Are you playing or not? I need a yes or no answer."
"Yes."
"Be at my office in an hour."
"Okay"
One hour later.
There's four of us playing cards. Me, my partner, the boss man, and the boss man's partner are the contestants. Things begin well for my team. We are kicking ass. Taking names. Kicking ass and taking names and setting world records. We got all the cards today, man. We are the hot shit. The boss man's partner has a spectacularly bad hand that he bid on...
"You must have done something wrong," says the boss man.
"Huh?" says the boss man's partner.
"I mean, you got terrible luck today. Horrible, just awful. Bad karma all around. What the fuck? Did you go next door and peek at your neighbor's wife or something?"
Laughs emit from the boss man's partner.
"I mean, did you go try some peeping tom shit and get caught? Were you like over at the neighbors doing some spying in the windows and shit? What the hell? I mean..."
More laughs.
"It wouldn't be the first time a man got his nuts caught on the picket fence trying to climb back over..."
This time nervous laughs emit from all the players.
"Did I ever tell you about that one dumb ass that was poor as shit and living in a shack and his wife was always getting pregnant?"
Players' eyes look around.
"Yeah, this poor dumb son of a bitch, he was poor as shit, living in a shack, and he had all these kids, you see. Nobody knew nothing about birth control back then, and he couldn't figure out why his wife was always getting pregnant. So he got desperate one day, and he cut his dick off with an oyster knife."
"With a wha?"
"An oyster knife. You ever see an oyster knife? It's a really dull knife. Well, this poor son of a bitch cut his dick off with an oyster knife. True story, by the way."
"No way."
"No, true story, I swear. He cut his dick off, and then, believe it or not, his wife still got pregnant."
"What?"
"Only not by him, but by the next door neighbor. I swear to god. This poor bastard..."
"Holy shit."
"Yeah, this poor asshole cut his dick off and his wife fucked his neighbor and got pregnant."
My team won the card game, 2-1.
"I gotta get my shit done for the meeting this afternoon, so we'll see."
"You gotta get your priorities straight. Are you playing or not? I need a yes or no answer."
"Yes."
"Be at my office in an hour."
"Okay"
One hour later.
There's four of us playing cards. Me, my partner, the boss man, and the boss man's partner are the contestants. Things begin well for my team. We are kicking ass. Taking names. Kicking ass and taking names and setting world records. We got all the cards today, man. We are the hot shit. The boss man's partner has a spectacularly bad hand that he bid on...
"You must have done something wrong," says the boss man.
"Huh?" says the boss man's partner.
"I mean, you got terrible luck today. Horrible, just awful. Bad karma all around. What the fuck? Did you go next door and peek at your neighbor's wife or something?"
Laughs emit from the boss man's partner.
"I mean, did you go try some peeping tom shit and get caught? Were you like over at the neighbors doing some spying in the windows and shit? What the hell? I mean..."
More laughs.
"It wouldn't be the first time a man got his nuts caught on the picket fence trying to climb back over..."
This time nervous laughs emit from all the players.
"Did I ever tell you about that one dumb ass that was poor as shit and living in a shack and his wife was always getting pregnant?"
Players' eyes look around.
"Yeah, this poor dumb son of a bitch, he was poor as shit, living in a shack, and he had all these kids, you see. Nobody knew nothing about birth control back then, and he couldn't figure out why his wife was always getting pregnant. So he got desperate one day, and he cut his dick off with an oyster knife."
"With a wha?"
"An oyster knife. You ever see an oyster knife? It's a really dull knife. Well, this poor son of a bitch cut his dick off with an oyster knife. True story, by the way."
"No way."
"No, true story, I swear. He cut his dick off, and then, believe it or not, his wife still got pregnant."
"What?"
"Only not by him, but by the next door neighbor. I swear to god. This poor bastard..."
"Holy shit."
"Yeah, this poor asshole cut his dick off and his wife fucked his neighbor and got pregnant."
My team won the card game, 2-1.
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