That Jack and Coke Your Sippin' is for Pussies

From the A.P. on Yahoo! News we learn that Jack Daniels is now a weak little bitch.

If you've noticed that your Jack Daniel's is carrying a little less kick these days, you're probably right. The famed "sippin' whiskey," which advertises a recipe traced back to the nation's first registered distillery, has lowered the alcohol content of its flagship brand, Old No.7 Black Label.

The whiskey now registers 80 proof, instead of 86 (or 40 percent alcohol versus 43 percent), and some drinkers feel betrayed.

"You can't screw with a legend like that and get away with it," said Frank Kelly Rich, editor of Modern Drunkard magazine. "I'm sure Jack is spinning in his grave."

Whoa! Did you catch that? There's a magazine called Modern Drunkard?!? Why, in fact there is. Why haven't I heard about this?

Anyways, the article continues:

The company says the switch was made because most customers prefer the less potent mix, which was marketed first in a few states and some overseas markets. The transition was completed earlier this year.

Those who want a stiffer drink can buy specialty versions like Jack Daniel's Single Barrel at 94 proof, the company said.

Or for a couple of dollars more you can just get a bottle of Maker's Mark or Knob Creek. Fuck you Jack Daniels. See you in hell.

Hey, wait a minute, why am I so upset?!? Oh, that's because I'm drunk on bourbon and I'm a little irrational right now!

Quit lookin' at me! You wanna take this outside?!?