Balloons!

So if you had nothing better going on last night and you happened to be watching the John Kerry speech on CNN, then you saw the comical balloon gaffe. Oh My! Somebody on CNN dropped the f-bomb because all the balloons weren't dropping. Matt Drudge, moments after, solicited requests from his audience for an audio recording of the incident. Drudge, of course, fucked it up and misquoted the voice in the audio as saying "Where the fu*k are the balloons!"

This was wrong. Drudge can't transcribe a live audio feed for shit. What was actually said was:

Okay, balloons. Let the balloons go. Balloons drop! Where are my balloons? Not enough balloons are falling! What the hell is going on? I need more balloons! What the fuck is wrong, people! The goddamn motherfucking balloons aren't dropping! Gawwwd-dammmit! What the FUCK people!

This was our only fucking job to do here! SHIT! They paid us to put fucking balloons in the goddamn rafters and then drop them on command! Why in Satan's name are there still balloons up in the cocksucking rafters?!? Huh? Answer me! FUCK! Whoever fucked this up is getting fired from my daddy's balloon dropping company! I swear to Jesus! You will be shitcanned faster than you can say "balloon!" Shit! This was our biggest gig of the year!

FUCK! Daddy's gonna think I'm a failure. You all realize we get payed by the balloon here! Right?!? See all those motherfucking balloons up in those fucking bitch ass rafters?!? That's cashola out of our pockets, bitches!

FUCK!

SHIT!

Gawd-Almighty! How do you fuck up a balloon drop? You have to be a goddamned fucking idiot to do that! SHIT! My mind is a piece of SHIT today! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK ME TO TUESDAY SIDEWAYS!

DAMMIT!

At least that's how I remember it.