Your Paper Crumpling Does Not Fool Me
Okay, so I'm at work. I sit in a nice cozy 8'x8' cube across from a walled office. There's a guy in the office across from me. He's important because he has an office. Only the important people get offices.
I'm busy working on work stuff with my eyes on my computer screen and I see out of the corner of my eye this important guy standing in his office crumpling a piece of paper for an amount of time that seems much longer than it would take for a normal person to crumple a piece of paper. While he's doing this he farts.
Okay, so he's trying the ole "make some noise to distract my fart" technique. Only it was very poorly executed. I noticed the sound of the crinkle crinkle of the paper and then I very distinctly noticed the very distinct sound of a very nice juicy wet fart. He then stood in the middle of his office for about two seconds before leaving (to presumably go to the bathroom and clean up).
C'mon man, if you're gonna fart, close the damn door. You've got an office? Christ, at least try to suppress it. Sure, sometimes things bubble over and the foam punches it's way out, but at least put some effort into it. Don't try some pathetic sound distraction cover up method. That crap didn't work in second grade and it isn't going to work now.
The bad part is, is that I kept my eyes on the computer screen the whole time. I wanted to look at him right in the eyes and just start laughing and pointing, but I couldn't. This guy's a hot shot. I'm a nobody. I gotta play it cool and pretend like his awesome paper crunching strategy completely muffled the sound of his muffler. Didn't fool me. I done heard nothin'.
Whatever. Sure, I laugh now. Someday I'll be in his position. I'll be an old man with a loose, uncontrollable rectum that flagellates the second the slightest sense of pressure builds up. Maybe I could become a tractor operator...
I'm busy working on work stuff with my eyes on my computer screen and I see out of the corner of my eye this important guy standing in his office crumpling a piece of paper for an amount of time that seems much longer than it would take for a normal person to crumple a piece of paper. While he's doing this he farts.
Okay, so he's trying the ole "make some noise to distract my fart" technique. Only it was very poorly executed. I noticed the sound of the crinkle crinkle of the paper and then I very distinctly noticed the very distinct sound of a very nice juicy wet fart. He then stood in the middle of his office for about two seconds before leaving (to presumably go to the bathroom and clean up).
C'mon man, if you're gonna fart, close the damn door. You've got an office? Christ, at least try to suppress it. Sure, sometimes things bubble over and the foam punches it's way out, but at least put some effort into it. Don't try some pathetic sound distraction cover up method. That crap didn't work in second grade and it isn't going to work now.
The bad part is, is that I kept my eyes on the computer screen the whole time. I wanted to look at him right in the eyes and just start laughing and pointing, but I couldn't. This guy's a hot shot. I'm a nobody. I gotta play it cool and pretend like his awesome paper crunching strategy completely muffled the sound of his muffler. Didn't fool me. I done heard nothin'.
Whatever. Sure, I laugh now. Someday I'll be in his position. I'll be an old man with a loose, uncontrollable rectum that flagellates the second the slightest sense of pressure builds up. Maybe I could become a tractor operator...
